Military Life

To the Milspouse Feeling the Distance.

A year and a half into our marriage my husband decided to join the Air Force, a decision I supported with my full heart. But even with my undying support, I was saddened the day he left for his new-found career path. This post is for all those ladies feeling the distance between themselves and their significant others.

              After the very long two months of BMT, with little communication, came the next five months of separation. As I ticked each day off on the calendar I noticed that our conversations were growing shorter, my texts were being responded to with less frequency, and I began to worry. I convinced myself that he had found a lady friend in uniform that he connected better with since they shared this military world I didn’t seem to be a part of.

              During tech school, your spouse may grow distant, and you may begin to feel like they no longer have time for you. More than likely it’s not because they love you less or found someone else, but because they are merely trying to study to pass their tests so that they can return home. They are in tech school mode. Not only are they working to do their best in their classes, but they are probably missing home as much as you are missing them.

Homesickness is a common symptom for your spouse to be feeling. They are no longer living their day to day routine they were before they left. Instead of sharing a bed with you they are now sleeping in a twin-size bed in a room shared by roommate they just met and eating at a chow hall instead of a home cooked meal at home. All their friends from home are doing their own things while they are states away and your spouse may be feeling slightly displaced in their new surroundings.

If you are feeling the distance in your relationship, and I am not talking about the many miles of space that separate you two, do not worry, there are ways to fix this common problem. Talk to your spouse about your feelings. If they are not responding to texts or cutting phone calls short, ask for an explanation. My husband explained to me that his roommate had become a dorm rat, rarely leaving their room. This left my husband to feel that he had no privacy to have a normal conversation with me. Personally, I didn’t understand why he couldn’t have a casual conversation with me while his roommate was in the room, but I had to respect that was how my husband felt. We both had to come to an understanding of how one another felt. Once we came to this understanding, I found that it was easier for me to accept the shorter conversations, and he agreed that he could try to have at least one long conversation during the week.

Most couples know that physical intimacy can be an essential part of a relationship. This intimacy helps a couple feel more connected to each other. When thousands of miles separate you and your spouse, it’s challenging to have that intimacy. I will keep this tip short and sweet because it is something that should stay between the couple, but some romantic texts can help feel this void when you are dealing with a long-distance relationship. Just make sure the timing is appropriate for both you and your spouse.

Another tip that I found to be especially helpful is PLAN A VISIT!! What’s better than reuniting with your spouse after months away? I called these trips the Disney Land weekends. I named these 72-hour visits because you are not in the confines of your day to day lives and every moment together is cherished because you know there is more distance ahead of you two. Use this time to talk through anything that’s on each other’s minds, laugh and enjoy their company. For more insight on visiting your spouse at tech school check out my article, visiting your spouse at tech school.

So, to all, you out there going through this distance, don’t worry it does eventually end. You will get through it. Unfortunately, for all us Milspouses, we must be able to handle distance when it comes to our marriages. Take it one day at a time and sooner than you think you two will be back together!  

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